Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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