but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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