just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
