So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
