I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize