i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize