Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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