I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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