woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
