I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
