why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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