so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize