it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
