i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
