I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize