guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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