420 ftw
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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