she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
