If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
