ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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