there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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