If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
