Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
