He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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