marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
