Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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