apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
