Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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