I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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