and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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