awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
