i may or may not be watching the land before time
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
