My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
