I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
