Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
