so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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