Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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