I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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