That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
