remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize