So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
this boner is exhausting
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
