I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
