You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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