even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
