1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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