Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
