My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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