For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
