I hate all girls vehemently.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
