My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How external is "for external use only"?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
