She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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