he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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