I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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