I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
