So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
