somebody snuck up and got me drunk
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
