i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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