Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you didnt know i had herpes?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
