I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
