I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
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