dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
