Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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