I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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