you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
