i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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