He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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