Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
