The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
