So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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