He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
