i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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