I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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