Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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