Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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