just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
