look no pants
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
