I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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