Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
