call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
