I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
