My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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