ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
