She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
