I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize