I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
