im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
