Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
