so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
