I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
this just has baby written all over it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
